Crazy baby names

Suri. Zahara. Apple. Coco.

These are the names that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Courtney Cox gave their daughters, respectively.

A little creative, perhaps.

But believe it or not, these are actually some of the most NORMAL celebrity baby names.
For some reason, when it comes to naming their children, celebs often think stranger is better.

I don’t know if it’s maybe some weird need to differentiate themselves and make a statement, such as “We are not one of you. We are unique,” but I believe it’s possible to fulfill that desire without upping your child’s chances of getting stuffed in a locker because he has a name like Ian Donald Calvin Euclid “Dweezil” Zappa (not the only time a Zappa kid will be mentioned in this blog.)

I get the need to be creative. I get the need to want to be different. But you’d think there’d be some part of a star’s brain that would recognize that while, yes, it’s fun to pick names for your children – that’s something that parents are entitled to, the kids are eventually going to grow up into adults who may get frustrated filling out tax forms with a name like Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha (son of Lisa Bonet). It’s our responsibility as parents to choose names for our kids that they can realistically live with.

But let’s be honest – many stars don’t live in reality.

So how does a celebrity choose a name for their little bundle of joy? Well, there are several genres to choose from when selecting a very unique and artsy name for your one-of-a-kind child. The first category, if that child happens to be a girl, is flowers.

Celebrity couple Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner went with this theme for their girls, named Violet and Seraphina Rose Elizabeth. Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes were a little trickier with their daughter’s name, going with Suri, which is the Persian name for “rose.” But the flower name that takes the cake? There are two, actually, who are sisters: Petal Blossom Rainbow and Poppy Honey Rosie, daughters of celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.

Speaking of chefs, another popular category is food. Apple is probably the strangest, most well-known food first name (daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow) with Peanut Kai, son of “General Hospital” star Ingo Rademacher, a close second. Paula Yates & Bob Geldof decided to morph both the food and flower theme and went with Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof for their little girl.

Yikes.

But maybe the worst I’ve heard is Zappa kid No. 2, affectionately named Diva Muffin. (Note to parents living in the 21st century: No girl wants to have the word “muffin” associated with her name. Ever. FYI: Watch as she frantically appears in the state offices for a legal name change at midnight on her 18th birthday.)

And speaking of midnight … yes, there IS a star baby who has this time/color incorporated into his name: Sparrow James Midnight Madden, to be exact, son of Nicole Richie & Joel Madden. “Blue” or “Blu” is another popular hue name for both star girls and boys, but Fuchsia Catherine Sumner, daughter of Sting, is probably the most, well, colorful one I’ve heard. (Sorry, had to go there.)

Next we move on to the animal names, which are surprisingly more popular than you’d think. My two crazy-favorites are Bear Blu (mom Alicia Sileverstone making the most creative/wacky use of both animal AND color here for her boy), and Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp.

Honestly, people!

On the subject of honesty, there are some stars who wish to instill lasting values upon their children … at least with their names. Jessica Alba chose Honor for her girl; Forest Whitaker chose True, and Cher chose Chastity.

Then you’ve got the celebs who to make a REAL statement. And that statement is “I’m hardcore and so is my baby.” Think Zuma Nesta Rock, son of Gwen Stefani, or Moxie Crimefighter, daughter of Penn Jillette. Not scary enough for you? Go ahead and hit ’em with Sage Moonblood Stallone, son of “Rocky” star Sylvester Stallone.

Other stars seem to have panicked and named their kids after their favorite number, such as Andre Benjamin & Eryka Badu did (Seven Sirius Benjamin) or a favorite day of the week (Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban went with Sunday for their daughter.)

Lastly, there is the bizarre, crazy, are-you-freakin’-kidding-me names, the you-were-on-a-different-planet-for-this-one names. And they are (brace yourselves, these are for REAL): Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee, son of Jason Lee & Beth Riesgraf, and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence, daughter of Michael Hutchence & Paula Yates. (Or if you really were on a different planet, you could go with Moon Unit Zappa, the third child in the Zappa family who’s parents I’m beginning to think secretly wrote an underground best-seller called “How to Name Your Star Kids and Make Them Hate You.”)

How did YOU go about choosing your kid’s names? Do you think it’s unfair for parents to choose weird or wacky names for their children? Why do you think star babies have the most bizarre names of all?

Leave a comment

DeseretNews.com encourages a civil dialogue among its readers. We welcome your thoughtful comments.

*