This post is full of potty talk

Right now, my life stinks.



Figuratively, it’s wonderful. There’s not a whole lot of complaining I should be doing as far as having a great life goes.

Nope my life stinks literally because of one disgusting, inescapable factor:


Mostly poop, although sour milk and pee pee are right up there.

I recently read a quote by Celine Dion that said something like this:

“I am changing diapers and breastfeeding and that’s something where no one can take my place. It’s tiring but an intense joy.”

I would agree with all but the changing diapers part. I’m not sure, today at least, that changing diapers has given me real joy, except to get rid of the stench.

But yes, right now my life consists of wiping bottoms, feeding the baby, wiping more bottoms, feeding the baby, and wiping bottoms. Occasionally I have time to shower and attempt to fix a meal, in between the wiping of the bottoms.

I’ve had poo on my hands, carpet, bed, clothes…you name it.

It is gross and disgusting. It’s also called being a mother.

The funny thing is, as much time as I spend cleaning up after my kids, I find I rarely have time to use the bathroom myself. And if I do happen to squeeze in a few minutes, it’s usually peppered with kids fighting and banging on the door wondering what I’m doing in the bathroom and could I please open up so they can fill their cups with water and dump it all over the floor?

This afternoon as we were getting ready to head home from a play date, I noticed my car smelling…ripe. I unbuckled my toddler and, sure enough, he had a messy diaper. Number two that day. I quickly changed him, rolled down the windows, and headed home.

Once we got inside, I unbuckled my tiny one-month-old from his carseat and carried him inside. I hurried upstairs to nurse him and discovered (surprise!) poop in his diaper as well. And on his leg. And up his back. And all over his clothes.

So I stripped him, gave him a sink bath, and just as I was putting on his clothes I hear, “Mom! Beckham peed on the carpet!” Running into their room, I discovered my toddler pointing to a little puddle near his dresser.

After cleaning the spot, dressing my baby, washing out the clothes, and then collapsing on the bed, my little Beckham comes walking in holding some toys.

And smelling like…

“Don’t,” I said, burying my face in the pillow. “Don’t tell me you pooped.”

“I pooped!”

Some people dream about the day when they can sit on a beach with nothing to do but soak in the sun, and nothing to listen to but the sound of the waves crashing into the sand.

I dream about the day when my house smells like tropical beach breezes instead of a zoo. I dream about the day when there are no more diapers, no more accidents, and people are wiping their own bottoms.

“The great thing about having a bunch of kids is they just remind you that you’re the person who takes them to go poop!” said Angelina Jolie.

Yes. What a great way to stay humble.

So moms: any great suggestions for neutralizing stinky odors? Favorite sprays? Do you use a wipe warmer? Have you joined the fresh club by using Cottonelle wipes with your tp?

Let’s talk dirty.





One comment

  1. Cat

    My only suggestion for neutralizing stinky odors is to take the trash out often. Air fresheners work OK but you still have a stinky diaper. Just remember, it doesn’t last that long and when they’re older you get to embarrass them my reminding them that you used to change their diapers.

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